This thing called cancer….and other rantings.

Presently Ms Zayla has been making it to school almost everyday….late, but she is getting there.

Her headaches have been at a minimum (thank God), knee pain is controlled, and mood/attitude….well, let’s just say I’m not sure if it is typical teenager moods OR her just plain tired of dealing with all this crap.

I find myself pushing her to do activities. Last Friday, after her chemo and MRI, there was a Barn Dance at her school. She was so hesitant to go. She feels different. Left out from her peers. But, as I told her, if you don’t put yourself “out there” you will never get anywhere. She ended up going for the last hour to the dance….was nervous as hell walking in there….and had her old friend Megan Parting to “scoop her up” and include her in the activities already in progress.

I remember junior high days. It wasn’t easy. Kids can be MEAN. And all we ever really want is to feel included….special….LOVED. I can’t imagine going through the typical junior high/high school “pangs” and dealing with cancer. Let alone the emotional feelings of it all. The uncertainty. The fear. But yet, she does….albeit an occasional “push” from me.

The whole junior high thing brought up some thoughts/discussions between me and my husband. My husband, Jason, would probably have been considered “bullish, onery” when he was growing up. He would “pick” on other kids. Anything for a laugh. Now, don’t get me wrong….he has, and always has had a kind heart. He had his own childhood reasons and circumstances for how he was (insert not the easiest childhood). This leads to our discussion.

The word Karma was brought up. Now, according to the Webster online dictionary, Karma means: often capitalized : the force generated by a person’s actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person’s next existence. In other words….destiny or fate as a due result of a cause.

My dear husband’s response of Karma was…..I was mean as a kid and NOW my daughter is suffering….I am suffering. All of these words stained with tears from this wonderful father. And that’s when it hit me.

How can the actions of his as a young kid be delivered as Karma to his innocent daughter? You are WRONG!! There is NO such thing as Karma. Or else why would the innocent die?!?! And why would children get cancer? They did NOTHING to deserve this. We hope for Karma on individuals….usually in the heat of the moment….but do we really want that?!?! I mean, isn’t the best human idea is to love and support others?!? Not to wish the bad that has happened to you, to someone else.

So the next time you think….ah, Karma will catch up to them…..really think about that….is that what you want spread around the world?!?! Karma?!?!

Today is a good day. I’m going to continue to focus on the good.

Searching for a Forever Cure~


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