This journey can sometimes emotionally steal my “happy”…..

and then there is hope……


Today, while at my clinicals I received a call from Zayla’s nurse practitioner Kelly.  Just before this call I had received a call from Zayla at school.  Her knee was hurting her…..and bad.  She wanted her Deep Blue essential oil, and of course it was at home.  My mom came to the rescue and drove to my house and back to the school to give it to her.  My heart was hurting because my sweet girl was in pain and I couldn’t be there for her.  I hate this.  No one should have to watch their child endure so freaking much.  And then the call came.

We have been on edge since last Friday night when we got the questionable MRI results.  I hate this.  No one should have to hold their breath for days on end….or always live with the feeling that the “other shoe is gonna drop”.  Life should not be lived on edge…..or should it?!?!  Should we be living in the moment, more freely and deeply?!?  It makes me see, hear, and even smell things more deeply.  For instance, the first part of the week I had some free time and was able to spend some time digging in the dirt with Ms Zay.  She likes to weed the flowers.  The smell of dirt and fresh air in her clothes and on her skin brings me to moments of when she was very little.  Bright blonde hair, ratted from the wind, and a HUGE smile speckled with remnants of dirt.

blond zay little

On to the call….As I am listening to the voicemail, I can feel my heart almost beating out of my chest.  The tumor review board had looked at Zay’s scans.  Dr Connell, the radiology/oncology physician had looked at the scans.  They all agree that the questionable spot is most likely due to treatment.  The spot that is questionable is most likely in the area where she had radiation.  I can breathe.  Keep fighting for your Forever Cure Ms. Zayla!!!!  I still hate this.  And when I say this…..I mean the childhood robbing, pain gripping, mind numbing thing called Cancer.  F U Cancer… baby is fighting….and although she may be small, she IS MIGHTY!!!

Until there is a Forever Cure…..

Peace friends.


  1. Beth · April 30, 2015

    OMG! I was holding my breath! My eyes are wet! Thank you Hod & thank you Chris for fighting without stopping & sharing your journey!


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