How does that really work?
Being joyful when so much hurts. It’s a peculiar thing. Wanting to be cheerful, but just not fully.
That’s the best way I describe this. Life of change.
Breathing. But oh so shallow. And without exhilaration.
But. I cry. And cry often.
If you see me with sunglasses on…..probably been crying.
I cry in the shower. I cry in the bathroom. I cry in the car. A lot. I cry at the gravesite. I cry in bed. Almost every night to sleep.
But even through all my crying, I am still functioning. I have a new job. I work long hours. I deal with the public.
I also want to hear my dead daughters name. I want to think about her. Talk about her. Still live without her. And would especially enjoy others to do the same.
It’s ok to talk to us about our dead child. You are not going to upset me more than I already am. Impossible. Nothing can hurt more than the loss of your child. There is no way. I just can’t believe it.
And somehow. I made it today.
I went to a large social event. Supported my graduating senior and her new life endeavors…..and simultaneously mourned that my youngest would never experience this.
Congrats Maddie on your graduation. We love you and are so proud.
Always Missing You Z……
RIP Zayla Ann 06/06/01-03/30/2016