Today I was home to watch……

Today I was home to watch the bus not stop at my house.  It really fucking sucks.  

Hadn’t really realized til today that I have been avoiding that moment.  Ugh.

Today’s weather reminds me of when the kids were little.  Doors open.  Windows open…..and this nice country breeze making obsolete papers blow around in my house.  And then that damn bus drove right past.  Didn’t even stop.  


And my heart hurts again.  But just for that moment I was back in time.  

This past weekend was the AshleyCan half marathon/5K/Walk.  I couldn’t bring myself to go.  It was just one of those days…..where the memory hurts too damn much.  

Big THANK YOU to the Herscher High School volleyball team and the KCC volleyball team for volunteering their Sunday morning to help….I LOVE seeing our youth do non-selfish things.  That’s what our news feeds should be filled with.  Outpouring of love.  All the time.  


Today I had lunch with a friend.  A hurting friend.  And I know how she feels.  Childhood cancer is NOT just in the month of September.  It is the families’ battling every day thought.  No escape.  Even if they “seem” healthy.  On the mend.  Internally, shit is fucked up.  We know it as PTSD.  The many jacked up faces of childhood cancer.  

We both had curious thoughts tho…..it “seems” that those who have came before are silent now.  That the masses of survivors and their families are no longer visible.  Is it because they are cured and don’t want this reminder? I had an epiphany…..I believe they are in their own hell….trying to live as normal as possible.  Because truly….how can you ever “unknow” the reality of childhood cancer.  That’s what it is.  


A local boy who just recently got off treatment has a side effect from treatment…..he is going deaf.  Not a surprise really….that is just one of the many things you may get as a parting gift from cancer treatment.  Truly jacked up.  But the thing is, there are MANY kids who do not leave treatment “unscathed”.   Actually it seems to be the norm.  Of course the shitty side effect that Zay got eventually killed her….we need to be questioning why is it ok for children to be tracked for only five years post treatment??  The “good” statistics that we see for childhood cancer survival is ONLY tracked for 5 years post original diagnosis.  Five years?!?!?!? I bet, if we looked at more detail numbers of kids dying from a secondary cancer OR children with massive amounts of “side effects” such as the boy I was speaking….we would not be looking at childhood cancer the same way.  

But I digress.  

Today, Team Zayla decided to help that local boy get his hearing aids.  We donated $1000 to go toward the purchase.  I know that additional donations would be greatly appreciated.  This weekend there is a running event for this boy to help raise money for ambulance fees…..whatever is above the goal is going to go toward the hearing aids for him.  This child may be done with treatment…..but he still has a LONG road ahead of him.  Numerous doctor appointments, hearing aids, physical therapy due to treatment affects.  You don’t have to be a runner…..you can stop by and just donate the day of the race.  https://www.racerpal.com/races/abraham.html

This Saturday September 17 10am-2pm.

Jogging for Abraham Daily 5K/2 mile walk.

McBroom Park S 8th Avenue Kankakee   

I am also going to get crafty again this pre Christmas season…..not going to do wine bottles like last year.  Think I have a new “idea”.  Last year $700 went to St Baldricks from all the crafty stuff I made…..keeping busy is good for my soul, but sometimes drives my husband crazy.  It is what it is. 

Miss you baby girl.

“Don’t get lost between your needs and wants.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s