Sometimes I wish…..

Sometimes I wish, that these Holidays could just be another day.  It’s funny, the meaning behind the Holidays often gets lost to “things”.  Honestly, Thanksgiving should be EVERY day.  We should be thankful every single day.  I try to focus each day on something good…..I guess it is my forever optimism.  I don’t need a Holiday to remind me of what I am thankful for.  

With that being said….the Holidays are extremely hard for me….should say us….Z loved them.  Every single holiday.  It was a way for her to (most of the time anyways) go to a gathering….enjoy friends and family.  Really, just another reason to party.  When she was little and going thru treatment, there were times when we didn’t think she would be able to participate due to her counts being low and risk for infection.  I think as she got older, she remembered those times and ALWAYS wanted to make the most of every day….or Holiday.  And oh how she loved to eat!!!  

Recently, Jason and I, and the girls went to San Francisco.  We had a great time…..much laughter and tears.  Zayla managed to send us numerous “signs” on our trip.  And we left her mark on several light poles.  

This was on Haight street.  We found an open parking spot and this is what it was in front of.  A “speakeasy” kind of bar, appropriately named ZamZam.  Hello Zayla Ann Mitsdarffer.  

And this picture we found while hiking through the Muir Redwood Woods…..we rounded a corner and seen this.  Took my breath away.  Miss you Z

Since our return from our trip I have been busy with my latest “Crafting for a Cure”.  I attended a craft show last weekend and raised over $300 for St. Jude’s and childhood cancer.  Since then, I have been taking orders for signs.  So far I am up to 85 orders and I have already sold 14!!  My goal was to make 100 of these….looks like I have done so!!!  I ran out of old picket fencing, but my brother has graciously offered to tear down his old shed with some amazing old wood to use….and it should help me complete my orders.  I am also very thankful to some awesome friends who helped last Sunday…..and hopefully the next couple Sundays to get these orders filled.  We will have raised $2500 for St. Jude’s once all 100 orders are filled.  That’s amazing!!  

I have been delaying sharing the hand casts that we received a couple months back from the Beazley’s. I guess my heart wanted to keep them for us…..kind of hoard them I guess.   They turned out amazing and I find myself at least once a day caressing Z’s hand.  They are so lifelike that I can almost imagine the warmth and sweat on them….Z always had warm and sweaty hands.  

Giving Tuesday is coming up….and if I could have just 5 of my friends/family choose Emily Beazley’s charity that would make my day!!  You can see their website at

I have been given two pairs of LulaRoe holiday leggings that I am going to sell tickets to raffle off on FaceBook.  Each ticket will be $2, or 3 for $5.  All money raised will go to the Beazley’s and their kures for kids charity. 

I also wanted to share and thank the Kankakee County Sheriff’s, patrol and corrections for choosing Team Zayla Foundation for their No Shave November charitable donation!! Warms my heart to see the affect Ms Z has had!!! 

Finally, there have been many people who have reached out to us the past couple days, knowing how difficult the next month is going to be. This has been my experience the past month….

“The hardest part of child loss is that moment when our intelligence and emotions meet and understand—really understand—the finality of our loss. –Clara Hinton 

My heart and mind….both know. And understand. And it sucks. 

Miss you baby girl. 💔🎗💔

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